by Mark Ibigbami GreatMark | Jan 18, 2018 | Uncategorized |
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“All the nations’ cattles are expected to undergo proper accreditation in readiness for voting during the general elections.” These statement was credited to the Senior Special Assistant to the Happy Valley Government on on electoral matters. This was revealed during one of the periodic press briefings in the state house.
He said, giving the growing economic and political importance of our cattles, the Happy Valley Government has announced that come 2023, cattles shall be qualified to participate in the general elections. In view of this, the national population agency shall carry out a total and comprehensive census of all the nations cattles in all the nooks and crannies of the country.
This census has become very necessary giving the spate of killings of innocent cattles by wicked and unscrupulous farmers and aliens who have gained access into the country through our porous borders. The Government is determined to stem the killing and depletion of its cattles, which is her key national business.
According to a statement credited to the media aid, “ These cattles are the bed rock of our national economic development and we shall not leave any stone unturned in punishing unscrupulous humans who are determined to wipe out our inestimable cattles. “The values of one cattle is far important than hundred humans”, he enthused. Therefore, we shall stop at nothing to prosecute any offender.
The Vice President of the Happy Valley Government, Honorable Utopia Utopia has said this action is necessary to ascertain the number of cattles in the country so as to ensure that the natural resources are equally distributed to all regions where the cattles are located.
He also added that the census would enable the government to provide adequate grazing reserves or colonies for the cattles in order to boost the economy of the nation whose GDP has been largely dependent on cattle rearing. The establishment of colonies will help to ensure that the herdsmen occupy a choice portion of lands in every part of the country, thereby sustaining the growing population of cattles.
He further explained that the census will enable the government to make a proper statics of the total number of cattles that would participate in the next general election. This he said will help curb electoral manipulations as only registered cows would be able to vote.
The Happy Valley Government wishes to assure all herdsmen that the government is determined to continue to deal with all humans that attacks the nations animal resources. The authority shall not hesitate to punish any intruders or perpetrator who prevent the cows from peaceful coexistence and safe grazing.
In closing, he assured the shepherds that the protection of the lives of their cattles is very critical to the government, and that they will always provide adequate security for these treasured national possession. He finally wished the herdsmen a safe coexistence and a happy election year ahead.
“He that has hear let him hear…” We deserve the leaders that we get.
Yes, we are winning!
GreatMark
*Broken News is a satirical online publication of a fictitious Happy Valley Agency which seeks to examine societal utopias that could foster positive change.
by Mark Ibigbami GreatMark | Jan 16, 2018 | Uncategorized |
The ancient city of RETARD is set to receive millions new migrants who have indicated keen interest in relocating to the fast-growing sophisticated metropolis.
The Happy Valley government in a bid to fulfill her promises on providing 50 million houses to migrants by 2025, have since commenced the construction of low cost houses in the sophisticated city of retard.
It would be recalled that the ancient city which is well known for its uncouth lifestyles has in recent times witnessed a large migration of persons who have by their conducts shown a resemblance with the citizens of RETARD.
As a result, the progressive Happy Valley Government has made adequate provisions for all those who are either considering migration or who have by their misdemeanor merited a relocation. These includes those who have chosen indecent lifestyles; and those who are unscrupulous, the dishonorable, dishonest, unconscionable, disreputable, as well as the fraudulent, corrupt, the fearful, the ungodly, and all manner of perverted lifestyles.
Aside fostering a splendid society, the government seeks to, as a matter of urgency, reduce the population in many of our growing cities. As part of its developmental programs, the Happy Valley government has made provisions for the first batch of 50 million migrants to be relocated to ancient city of Retard in the shortest possible time.
During the official media launch of this great initiative, one News paper correspondent asked what the requirement would be for migrants, and what would be the cost of the apartments. The media spokesperson for the agency in his responses, alluded that the houses which are prototypes of the ancient mud-thatched huts, and are free of charge.
He further said those who would qualify to live in these houses are who have proven to posses a sense of immorality and vile, the violent, and are abominable as well as those who practice evil. This he said would help de-populate our city and restore decency for those who want to live sensibly and peacefully.
For those who desire a safer, peaceful and moral society, you would have wished this happens here, so that wickedness would diminish and the world would be a better place. But this is a moral utopia.! This will not happen in this world but it is a shadow of what is to come.
Very soon, the creator of life will make an eternal separation between good and evil. And this action will determine the final destination of every human being. Where do you stand?
Like I said in a previous article, titled, WHEN NONSENSE MAKES SENSE, in every corrupt and ungodly society, God always reserves a remnant of people who in spite of the threat to life, would follow after and pursue righteousness and the fear of God. Where will you fit in at the end of the age? The choice is yours!
You’re winning! Yes, we are winning!
GreatMark
*Broken News is a publication of Happy Valley Agency which seeks to examine political and moral utopias that would foster positive change.
by Mark Ibigbami GreatMark | Jan 15, 2018 | Uncategorized |
In a recent research, I encountered a situation in which what I would call SSS (Senseless Simple Solution), proposed by an unscientific man was applied in a problem solving phenomena that mesmerized a scientific law.
The basic Law of Magnetism states that like magnetic poles repel each other where as unlike magnetic poles attract each other. The fact is that a magnet or magnetic field is required to either attract or repel another magnet.
Unlike Iron, wood does not have free unpaired electrons whose spins can line up to form domains. The magnetic moment of the individual electrons is not available to be aligned with an external magnetic field. This is the reason wood is not attracted to magnets and cannot be magnetized.
A proven record was made of an event in the Holy Bible when Prophet Elijah was compelled to come to the rescue of the Sons of the prophet who had their axe head sank into the river while felling trees.
“So he went with them; and when they came to the Jordan, they cut down [some of] the trees. But it happened that as one was cutting down a beam, the axe head fell into the water; and he cried out and said, “Oh no, my master! It was borrowed!” The man of God said, “Where did it fall?” When he showed him the place, Elisha cut off a stick and threw it in there, and made the iron [axe head] float. He said, “Pick it up for yourself.” So he reached out with his hand and took it. (2 KINGS 6: 4-7).
Amazing, isn’t it? That a piece of floating wood would make a steel axe head float. This solution mesmerized a scientific law. What is the magnetic property of a wood that would make it possible for it to attract an iron or steel? I doubt this is possible! But it happened!
This phenomenon is certainly a senseless simple solution. It sure must have been a divine intervention; a wonder of God! Sometimes, complicated problems requires only a simple, humanly senseless solution. A divine intervention that would defy all known scientific and made-made laws. Imagine An Iron made to float by a wood…it’s phenomenal!
The way out of the seeming life threatening predicaments we are bedevilled with might just be a simple solution and only a PEACEFUL heart can be inspired to receive it. A confused and fearful heart is not a good ground to receive such answers because God works in ways we can’t humanly comprehend.
The quicker we are able to move away from the confused, depressed and faithless state, the quicker we get our heart flooded with divinely orchestrated peace that would open us to divine interventions.
Likewise, the quicker we take our focus away from the problems and fix our attention on The Omnipotent God, the quicker will His peace garrison our hearts against contrary thoughts and open us to divine insights that will make our problems light and passive.
Come to think of it, the solution cannot be found in a revengeful mission or suicidal act. Rather than solve the problems, it would only compound it more. If your worries are potent enough to get you out of your predicaments you should have been free by now. Yea? So, if running from pillar to post; or if medical or scientific approaches haven’t helped, then try God!
Oh, you said you have sought several men of God, and some even deceived you, yet you are still battling with the problems. Yes, some would take advantage of you in a bid to proffer solutions. But gladly, Christ is the ultimate hope and he has solutions to all life’s problems.
Perhaps, you need to change your approach -first establish a sincere relationship with your maker, trust his saving grace and lay your life before him. Then He will make His peace attend your heart and inspire you with a simple solution that would glorify him.
A peaceful and graceful spirit is a medicine to the body. The Lord is near you. You are winning! Yes, we are winning!
GreatMark
by Mark Ibigbami GreatMark | Jan 11, 2018 | Uncategorized |
At about 3:00 am, I got up from a restless sleep, and as I sat down to study I wondered why my night was so restless. Just then I was inspired by a thought that led me to discover one sure way to live a radiant life. Please permit me to share this with you.
Before I do, I’ll like to allude to some facts about you. I know you’ve been troubled so much by reasons of these complications you now experience in your relationships. And the frequency of failures and disappointments has made you resigned to fate, and to conclude that you are an unfortunate being.
Yea, you have often wondered if this is the kind of life you have been destined to lead, where nothing seem to be working for you. Month after Months, year after years, yet you still seem far from your aspirations.
You still grapple with the fact that you are still jobless after so many years of searching for one. Even though you pray so well, yet you’ve been worried and downcast at the seeming silence of God in critical areas of your life, even though He says He cares.
And to make matters worst, you’ve been severely disappointed by the complacency of those that should be concerned about your plight. Even your intimate have abandoned you since you chose to stand for what is right.
I do understand that you have struggled with certain familiar illnesses for a while, and you wonder how long you are supposed to manage these for. However, I do appreciate that you’ve been standing still in hope of victory for a while and at getting tiring to keep hanging on.
In the words of my friend, “I’ve tried very hard to put behind me the ugly pasts and regrets, but it’s not been easy. It’s being hell but you are still optimistic that the new year will bring you much respite and gladness. I like your spirit!
Trust me, you’ve done well! You’ve survived hardship, rejection, failures and victimisation. You’ve really shown a strength of character. But still, you should do more more than just survive, you must inculcate a sure principle that will keep you steadfast, even in the most troublesome situation.
You must resolve to always rejoice and delight yourself in God. When you do this; and with an assurance that God will not fail you, your tolerance and patience will be known to people who know your history, and you will would encourage them to trust your God too.
And also, you would radiate a beautiful and gracious spirit on the outside; your health will spring up quickly and you will glow in radiance and glory, basking in the euphoria of a peaceful life.
Trust me, this is one sure way to live a radiant life. You’re Winning! Yes, we are winning!
Greatmark
by Mark Ibigbami GreatMark | Jan 9, 2018 | Uncategorized |
Poverty and penury is a common phenomenon among retired pensioners; ditto many Nigerians. This is also the case in many third world countries where retired civil servants and the poor masses protests over unpaid pensions or economic hardship.
Majority of the aged pensioners who retired from active service have been in the habit of complaining or protesting of either not receiving regular pension or about its inadequacy in meeting their growing needs, or in some cases, outright non-payment or negligence in the part of the government.
This sad development of course is not unconnected with poor remuneration or minimum wage which in spite of inflation remains the same for so many years. And of course, the age-long corruption activities of pension administrators in that sector cannot but be mentioned; remember Maina to mention a few!
The sudden arrest of Mr. Paul Umar by the Happy Valley agency is laughable but interesting. A peccable source revealed that Mr Paul Umar, a retired civil servant and a pensioner is being questioned on why he remained in abject poverty. This is said to be one of many cases which the agency is seeking to prosecute, in a bid to finally make poverty a forgotten phenomenon.
An investigation was said to be carried out to determine the liabilities of this 65 years old man and those of his 30 years old son who is said to be a hawker on the streets of Lagos. According to a senior officer of the agency, Mr. Paul Umar will be questioned on why he remains poor in spite of the rigorous fight against poverty by the Happy Valley administration.
A spokesperson of the agency, who pleaded anonymity said that the reason for this project is to press charges against poverty and its allies. And when poverty is found guilty, it would be sentenced to life imprisonment, while the pensioner, Mr. Paul Umar and his poor family shall be acquainted. This, he added would serve as deterrent to other poverty crimes.
Pause and reason.
Is this achievable in Nigeria, Africa or anywhere in the world? A situation when poverty becomes a crime, and where poor persons would be arrested for living with poverty? Is it possible that the Government would not only chase corruption but also implement measures that would arrest and prosecute poverty and not the poor? This is a political Utopia; a happy valley! I believe that in order to reduce corruption, the government need to fight poverty.
Political utopia can exist, but not in this world. However, we can make life beautiful for ourselves if we are determined to.
*Broken News is an satirical online publication of a fictitious Happy Valley Agency which seeks to examine societal utopias that could foster positive change.
