For Abigail, there seem to be too many so called secrets to marital bliss. Worried by the diverse rules, regulations and prohibitions she couldn’t help but to inquire of me saying, “Whom should I marry!?”
On hearing the question, I quickly called to remembrance a beautiful sermon, at a youth forum by an experienced marriage counselor on the issue of choice of marriage partner and how to enjoy a fulfilling marriage.
He likened marriage to the setting of the zip teeth in a zipper. To achieve this, he said there must be compatibility and agreement towards only one direction at a time; even though it is from two different perspectives. Thus, relationship in marriage requires a willing self-revelation of individual subjective views of value of life, to create an intimacy that places a sense of commitment to the responsibility of interdependence by adjustment over an extended allowance of time with perseverance.
Furthermore, he explained that marriage, which is a relationship created and instituted by God is established for the fulfillment of God’s will for the androgynous gene that was initially tampered with interdependent resources (clay, breath, soul) for mental and muscular services that require a separation of individual genders that a biological face-to-face communication and a complementary setting of individual contribution. In essence, marriage is not a relationship of a superior gender over an inferior one rather it is a relationship made to strengthen a man and a woman created in God’s own image. (Gen.1:26-30)
In view of these assertions, spinsters and bachelors need to pay rapt attention to the following requirements and qualifications of marriageable prospects. I hope you would patiently meditate on this requirements which I consider valid answers to the question of whom to marry.
- Be born again with the evidences of thorough discipleship and look for the same in someone to marry. Remember that you will attract who you are. Prov. 13:20; John3:5).
- Abstain from peer and social pressures insted, live a life that is dedicated to God so that He can work all things for your good (Gal.5:19-21).
- Identify what God has foreknown and predestinated your life for, in order to know who has compatible life style and vision as yours or who could compliment you. Isa.49:9
- Accept and be committed to the price of each level of realizing the goals of God’s vision in your predestination. Phil.3:12-16.
- Discover and develop your potentials (temperamental strengths, talents, spiritual gifts, vocational or industrial skills, relational skills, leadership qualities etc.) toward a realization of God’s plan and purpose for your life. Eph.3:20.
- Watch and pray to locate the person who is compatible with your life and vision. Prov.18:22
- Don’t despise the period of small beginning in faith, finance and family. Job 8:7; Mt.13:31-33.
- Test the love of your future by being the real and transparent in your dealings to highlight the measure of value that she/he places on money, occupation, tender care, friendship, social relationship/ceremony, in-door house chores, intimacy and keeping confidences, sex, child rearing (not just bearing), in-law relations etc.
- Be committed to tolerance and building up of the potentials of your future partner based on the Bible pattern of a successful family enrichment details.
- Regularly receive pre-marital counselling from couple-models that you enjoy their family life pattern. Prov.15:22, 20:18, 24:5-6.
- Marry the content (values, principles and commitment) not the container (cosmetics, status, wealth, charisma or talents).
In conclusion, do not marry to receive what you cannot or you are lazy to produce and to do for yourself by yourself because marriage does not change the basic human personality neither does it remove loneliness. Marriage satisfies sense of aloneness and gender-emotional urges.
Note that, your daily objectives and what you want to achieve per time as conclusion of your actions should determine that method/approach you should adopt in marital relationship. Marriage is a covenant and calls for keeping of confidence and a provision to help the weak partner. Gen.2:15; Eze.16:8; Mal.2:14-15.
The answer to the question of whom to marry lies in doing the will of the creator of life. He formed us and knows what each of us is made of. With him we can’t fail; with his counsel we are guaranteed of a blissful marital relationship. You are winning! Yes, we are winning!
Sermon By Rev. Olaniyi Abiola