Friendship is one of the best aspects of life. Thomas Aquinas wrote, “There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship.”  Having said that, certain friends are certainly much better than others. A real friend and fake friend can be hard to distinguish, but they are very different! “True friends are like diamonds — bright, beautiful, valuable, and always in style.” Whereas, fake friends are like shadows: always near you at your brightest moments, but nowhere to be seen at your darkest hour.

Most often, we expect much from those around us, to the point that we make them responsible for our own happiness, health and well-being. And when we fail to get what we expect from them, a wave of anguish floods our soul, and we feel disappointed, disillusioned, or filled with hate.  Friends come into our lives for different reasons, and as such, it would do us good to know who our friends are and what position they occuppy in our lives. For a proper distinction, I’ll classify friends into three main categories: Constituents, Comrades, and Confidants

My friends, my constituents:

These are friends who are there for what you are about. They have been attracted to you because you share similar goals. They are only there for the course! They are not there for you but for where you are going. Even though they get into the car with you they are not for you, they are there for the destination. And if they find a faster car, they will leave you because their attraction was your destination, your philosophy, or your course, not you! And you would wonder, ‘So, he or she can leave me?’ Yes, “Some friends do not last…” (Prov.18:24). So, don’t get hurt; some friends are just constituents, not true friends.

My Friends, my Comrades: 

Comrades are not for you and they are not for what you are for. They are with you because they are against what you are against. Common enemies make strange bed fellows. If it become necessary to hook up with you, they will because they need your help to kill a common problem and as soon as this is achieved they leave you. Your comrade and constituents will always outnumber your confidants. Don’t get them confused: distinguish your friends.

My Friends, my confidants:

The confidants are the few people in your life that are for and with you.  They are intimately intertwined in your life. They are there to make sure you fulfill your destiny.  They will confront you. They will get in your face. They will get in your business. They will tell you when you aren’t the one wrong. If you have 2 or 3 of them in a lifetime, you a blessed person.  Even though some friends don’t last, yet, you will never be who God called you to be without a confidant. Don’t get it twisted; distinguish your friends and stay above hurt and hate.

“Some friends do not last, but some friends are more loyal than brothers.” Prov. 18:24. Even your confidant can fail you! Many are those who still nurse the hurts created by those whom they thought were truly more ‘loyal than a brother’. ‘No one has shown greater love than to lay down his own life for his friends. That’s the height of friendship! Jesus Christ demonstrated this and calls us his friends.

The theme of Valentine is love. Whilst it reminds some to appreciate and celebrate their love, it provides the atmosphere for some to find new love, and to some others the occasion exposes them to the vices of feigned affections emanating from selfish deportment. This Valentine’s Day will come to pass and some would have wished it never came because they shall be left with hurt and painful resolve owing to vain affections and deceit. However, others would bask in the euphoria of a renewed love and commitment. Gladly, one thing that will continue to remain constant is God’s love! It is everlasting and enduring. It is neither occasional nor conditional. As you celebrate Valentine’s Day, don’t be deceived by fake friends who would only take advantage of the occasion to gratify their selfish desires. Rather, Distinguish your friends and stay above hurt.  You are winning! Yes we are winning!

GreatMark

Ref: TD Jakes – Comrades, Confidants and Constituents