by Mark Ibigbami GreatMark | Nov 11, 2017 | Uncategorized |
My body danced against its will to the rhythm of my captor’s song…It was my journey into defilement. Tears dropped from my eyes as though it was rain from the heavens and I felt torn just like my dress. It was all over in about 20 minutes, but it felt like a thousand years.
He was drunk again this night as usual; but this time, I was at home alone with my kid sister. I tucked her in and I went into my room to sleep. I was already sad enough that my mum wasn’t going to make it for my 15th birthday party.
I was already falling asleep when the door of my room was forced opened. I wasn’t scared because it was a usual occurrence whenever mum was not around. I braced my self for the worst as usual: the usual yelling for me to set the table for his food like my mum would normally do.
But this night, it was different kind of. Though he was drunk but he wasn’t shouting as usual, instead he looked at me so intensely in a way I considered ridiculous and suspicious. Apparently it was lust but I didn’t know what it was called that year.
He trudged towards me as I looked on helplessly and wondering if he was going to drag me out of bed this time to get him his dinner. But to my amazement, he pulled off my cover spread, and pounced on me! I had never felt such a weight on me before; he was too big for me to over power.
He parted my legs and then it began, and in about 10 minutes I reckon, it was all over. “What a dream!’, I had thought to myself. By the time I gained consciousness, I realized it wasn’t a dream, I had lost my virginity. My father raped me!!!
He left my room after the episode was over. Everywhere was silent, the only thing that made a sound was my table clock; it was 12:20 AM. What a way to celebrate my birthday I thought to myself. I dragged my self out of the bed to the bathroom to wash away the filth and smell but I never felt whole again. I cried my eyes out. I felt empty and incomplete. I barely slept the remaining of the night.
In my head, I tried to move on, like its just this once, it was a mistake, maybe he thought I was mum. Or perhaps it was normal for one’s father to do that at some point. I was naive, I didn’t know what to think at that time. But, he is my birth father and he wouldnt want to hurt me, I mused. I tried to make so much excuses for him in my head. Little did I know that it was a deliberate action. It wasn’t the end; instead it was the beginning of my defilement. Every day for 8 years. I was raped by my father!
I was never allowed to move with opposite sex. I was not permitted to have a boyfriend not alone a fiancé. I was locked up for the most vibrant years of my life. Home to school no more; no less. My mum was alive and well, but I couldn’t tell that her husband molests me at every opportunity. My mum was very loyal to my Dad, and carefree about us. Would she ever believe me? I didn’t think so; no one could tell me otherwise because I kept the secret to myself. I felt used and useless. I had my resentments against men.
Whilst in the university, he would drive down to my school sometimes weekend or weekdays just to see me. He was a chief orchestrator; he made me attend a Federal university that was just an hour drive away from home. He made me stayed in a private hostel; he kept me away from making friends. So it became a norm to me; I braced myself everyday for this. I accepted it as my destiny.
Am very sure he tried his best to influence my NYSC (National Youth Service Corp) to Lagos, but apparently, I was thrown far away from him. I was sent to Makurdi for my one year voluntary service. I was so happy that even my mum was in awe. It was the dawn of a new day for me; the beginning of my freedom!
Though I was my usual self; not talking to men and seldom girls. The feeling that my father wouldn’t locate me was comforting. I felt free like a bird. Then, I vowed from the moment I stepped into Makurdi never to go home again.
During NYSC, there were different groups like NCCF (Nigerian Christian Copers Fellowship), and some other vibrant Christian groups who regularly moved around preaching and all sorts. One day, they came to where I lived apparently to visit on one of their members. Then one of the sisters attempted to engage me in a conversation, and then she was joined with another brother. I knew she wanted to preach to me but my heart was already made up. I wasn’t going to have anything thing to do with church since our pastor at home could not see a vision that my Dad, an elder in church, was molesting me.
Nothing they said caught my attention. I was sure they noticed that I wasn’t ready for their persuasive sermon. After about 20 minutes, they prayed and told me that Jesus loves me. It felt like a normal word we say in church as such it didn’t feel like anything new or different.
In the night of that same day as I was about getting ready for bed, I heard this really nice voice; it was so masculine; yet gentle, so authoritative; yet soothing. The voice called my name and said “I love you”. What? I was scared, I was the only one in my one room apartment. Where was this voice coming from, I wondered? Suddenly, I felt this cold sensation down to my spine, I couldn’t explain it. It felt so mystical; yet real.
I gently pulled my window blinds, looked through but no one was there. After mumbling words and shivering as if to death; I finally got my words together. “Who are you?”, I asked. “What is your name, and how did you get into my room?” So many questions at once, so I had to hold on, if I wanted answers; I better ask more calmly and politely; one after the other, I thought to myself.
The voice replied and said to me “Sharon my child; I am your friend. I have watched you closely and have seen your plight. I can help you if you allow me are your worries. You can trust me, trust me. I love you!
It felt like the Nollywood movies we watched while growing up, where an invisible guy was talking to a Pastor or a rebel. Oh well it was happening to me, this moment. Again, I felt naked, insecure, guilty, filthy, dirty, I couldn’t still find the right adjective to qualify me. By the way, no one ever told me those words. No one ever got close to making me open up my painful secrets. I felt I was getting somewhere in this dream.
Then suddenly like as if he was reading my thought which he apparently was, he said to me “Sharon, your feeling guilty won’t heal you. In fact, the psychologist you plan to visit would not give you a lasting solution. All you would be told is how to manage and live with the stigma for the rest of your life. I am the only solution to your issue. I am merciful and full of compassion.
At this point I was really pissed; really? you’re the solution; where were you when I was being molested? Where was your love as well……or is it that you did not love me then because of my filth? So you feel sorry for me and choose to love me now….? Anyways, I’m still filthy and this so called love is it love or pity for a pathetic person like me? At this time, I was already screaming at the top of my voice, forgetting I was having a conversation with an invisible ‘friend.’
It was a tug of war, I was too pissed. You call yourself the gracious one, merciful, kind, loving and all sort right? But you were wicked to me. My life was shattered at 12 and you were up there feeling so cool with yourself. The invisible good friend, yea? I continued to rant and sob like I was talking to my mate. But he kept quite, as if he allowed me to pour out all my hurts. I fell to the ground, sobbing bitterly.
There was a bit of a silence, and then he spoke, “My daughter, I perfectly understand the fact that you are angry. I know and can relate with your frustrations. One of my disciples betrayed me too. What could be worse?” He opined. Then I though, if he earlier called me friend, and now he says am his daughter? And also mentioned that one of his disciple betrayed him? Then that must be Jesus! Jesus!!! I exclaimed. At this point I was on my kneels, broken and helpless!
He continued, “we never really had a relationship you know? You are religious but you never gave me a chance in your life. It is never enough to know about me, what is fulfilling is to know me personally. But anyways, my dear, I’m not here to condemn you, but to bring you the knowledge of the Truth, which is the one true God. And to heal your shattered heart, and make you a brand new person in spite of your ugly past.
Really? But I’m filthy, I can’t be loved. What has happened to me is unthinkable! I’m so unfortunate! I don’t think I can ever be free from this pain. How am I to deal with this hatred?, I retorted. Then I felt someone wiped the tears on my face. It was very real, trust me!
He chuckled and said again, this time emphatically, “I love you Sharon!” It felt weird but I felt safe. The first time someone would ever look at me with soo much compassion, genuity and love… Mixed emotions, I was happy but sad at the same time. Joy bubbled on the inside of me. Again he said, “I love you child, open up your heart to me and let me help you get over this adversity, and you will sure become a new creation, trust me.”
That was the beginning of my healing. I conversed directly with the savior, I got born again; I felt new and transformed ready to face my world. He filled me with His spirit, and I experienced his life-transforming grace. I had a bible, but I never read it, because it never made meaning to me. But after this transformation, I began to read the bible, pray regularly, and relate with people without resentment.
Today I am whole, healed and perfected in the complete work of Christ. I found my father and forgave him after so many years. I tell you… It wasn’t an easy journey but the Lord helped me through my healing and forgiveness journey. My spiritual growth was anchored on Ephesian 4:1-32. You may want to read it to understand what I mean.
Today I’m alive well and happy, tho am not married yet, not because I have resentment against men but because I want to take my time. I have plenty friends by the way, and they are all amazing. Looks like God literally planted me in the midst of awesome people.
I run my own event planning and cinematography business. I am doing really good with God, and not pressured to marry cause I’m complete in Christ and not in a man. I understood that after a while though, that marriage is for two spirit-led individuals who are complete in the finished work of Christ. So till I meet that complete man, I still remain complete.
To all rape victims all over the world… Its not your fault, but I’ll advise you speak out, and quickly too. To everyone out there, you might not have been raped like Sharon, but you feel incomplete, no man can ever complete you, because you’re only complete in Christ. To all victims who have been forcefully defiled, let go; and let God. The journey or healing process might be tough and bumpy but its always worth it in the end.
I’m a regenerated lady, I’m flourishing, Im winning! Yes, we are winning!
Story by Titilola Ogunwale
by Mark Ibigbami GreatMark | Nov 9, 2017 | Uncategorized |
I thought he didn’t want anyone to know about his relationship that was why his status on his Facebook page reads “complicated.” The story of his life’s comebacks is worthy of read! Henry and I were course mates in the university and fortunately we had our one year youth service (NYSC) in the same state. We were quite close until he traveled abroad for his Masters degree.
After 10 years, we met at an international conference, and trust me it was a great reunion. While we sat at lunch, we reminisced the past and I asked a couple of questions that had bordered me. One of such was, if the relationship status on his Facebook page which read, ‘complicated’, was the true reflection of his marital status, or just a facade or white-wash.
He chuckled and said, “Oh, you expected I should have started a family right?” Of course dude, I retorted! Henry bowed his head low in silence, and then he broke down in tears. It seemed my question brought back painful memories. He mustered the strength to speak, and then he said, “my relationship with ladies made my life complicated, so complicated, he muttered regrettably.
He began to narrate his ordeals with relationships; how he had been deceived by unassuming ladies and how he made several mistakes that has caused him his happiness and peace of mind.
He talked about four different online dating relationships that had started well and looked promising but later got fractious when he discovered he had been swindled of several thousands of dollars. Unfortunately, before he realized that those online dating were illusory, he had spent four years with four different ladies, whose trades were to feast on gullible and lustful men.
After so much setbacks, even from those beautiful sisters in his church, many who have a form of religion but are also desperate to make quick fortune through any means possible. So, he had thought he would finally find a homely and God-fearing lover who would help put an end to his quest for women. Of course, he found love in Stella, a beautiful and a devout lover of God, who hails from the Eastern part of Nigeria.
Two years after their marriage, Stella filed for divorce and she left with their first son, Henry Jnr. According to her, she could no longer endure being under the authority of a man, who is not capable to cater for her growing needs. “She wanted to pattern her life after her friends, who were single parents, and who not only enjoy social welfare and government protection, but also benefit from the benevolence of unscrupulous men. This is a sad trend here”, he lamented.
Besides, Henry’s status may have indicated “complicated” in relationship, but this is also true for his entire life. Even though he had a good job and lived in a mortgage house, yet his life was characterized by so many setbacks, from career, to personal, and family life. I wouldn’t like to bore you with much stories but the summary is that Henry was never happy living. He consistently feigned being well.
His story reminds me of the man called Jabez. He was born in pains; and named sorrow-maker. The circumstances of his birth was the reason for his setbacks, until he cried out. Rather than remain in the unfortunate mold, he prayed to the barrier breaker. “Jabez cried to the God of Israel, saying, Oh, that You would bless me and enlarge my border…”(1 Chronicles 4:10).
We all make wrong choices; those things we knew were not the best. Many times we hear voices like, ‘Too bad, you’ve made a mess of it…! Oftentimes, our guilt and thoughts about our failures bedevil us and hinders us from moving on or making new endeavors. But be encouraged, God is full of mercy. He doesn’t turn His back when we make mistakes, rather, He comes running to us and make miracles out of our mistakes.
I had several other discussions with Henry, and we had quality times sharing God’s word and praying together on his issues. I was glad he resolved to forgive his past and all those who had offended him, even his ex-wife. He surrendered his life to God, and he embraced the new life. That was the beginning of his turning point. Three years after, Henry is happily married with lovely twins, and a prospering career.
Whenever he calls me, he would say, “Guy, thank you for helping me find the center of my life!” You too can set your life right. “The purpose of loyalty to Christ, formed in the heart, confessed with the lips, is simply the center from which a man is to correct everything else in his life.” You need to find your center in order to correct your circumference!
All things works together for your good when you love the Lord. If you love Him, He can use your setbacks, what have left you lonely, and disappointed, to move you towards your destiny. God has a plan for our mistakes and setbacks. He will correct the complications, if we trust Him and surrender our struggles and burdens to Him.
You may think you have genuine reasons to settle where you are, or remain in the mold that the situation around you have created. Truth is, you can go further than the experts have told you. You can do yourself and your generation a favor by breaking out of that mold. You can defile the odd; You can start all over again!
There’s a potential in you that would cause new doors to be opened. Don’t accept excuses to settle where you are. YYou need that continued spark for excellence to over come all the blight of being ostracized. Don’t lose your fire! Yes we are winning!
GreatMark
by Mark Ibigbami GreatMark | Nov 2, 2017 | Uncategorized |
Oftentimes, for the purpose of self-justification, some enthusiastically quote this phrase, “The Bible says, ‘Heaven helps those who helps themselves.'” I have never seen this statement in the Bible, and besides, I do not accept its verity! The testimony of a King at the end of his rope is very instructive.
What I consider absolutely true is found in the account of King David after he escaped death. He said, “The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came over me; I was overcome by distress and sorrow. GOD is gracious—it is he who makes things right…GOD takes the side of the helpless; when I was at the end of my rope, He saved me.” (Psalm 116:1-6).
Anyone who call upon the Lord to deliver their souls from danger, and do so in absolute reliance on God will find him gracious and true to his promise. He rewards the effort of the humble, who has emptied himself of pride, and are lowly in their own eyes. They see their want, bewail their guilt, and thirst after a Redeemer.
I agree that there is a place of self-efforts. However, self determination, self-help or human skills and intelligence or even spiritual efforts like praying and fasting should not be seen as the end in itself; they are just means to an end. Such efforts will amount to futility if God does not approve of it!
For raising a family. If God be not acknowledged, we have no reason to expect his blessing; and the best-laid plans fail, unless he crowns them with success. 2. For the safety of a family or a city. Except the Lord keep the city, the watchmen, though they neither slumber nor sleep, wake but in vain; mischief may break out, which even early discoveries may not be able to prevent (Matthew Henry’s commentary on Psalm 127:1).
It is of his mercies that we are not consumed. The same God who out of his mercies can bless our efforts when we put our trust in Him is the same God that can frustrate our best efforts when we rely on our wit and strength.
The statement, “Heaven help those who help themselves”, is often used as an excuse to commit ungodly acts, and justify efforts put at solving problems, even when they are against both moral and spiritual laws. Heaven only helps the helpless!
You don’t have to get to the end of your rope before you call on God. Even after tieing a knot at the end of your rope, how long can you hang in there? Certainly, there is a limit to every man’s effort and an end to his endurance level.
Therefore, there is no time that is too late to seek God. Peradventure, you are at the end of your rope; all your efforts have failed, and you at the verge of giving up on life! God awaits your call. He can turn your mistakes to miracles, even right now!
God helps the helpless not the independent! He can pull you up again! Cease from your labour, and keep trusting God.
You are winning. Yes, we are winning!
GreatMark
by Mark Ibigbami GreatMark | Oct 25, 2017 | Uncategorized |
The number of those who have resolved to become ten times better than others, even in the midst of the challenging environment, is amazingly on the increase. They have shown that even in the midst of difficulties it is very rewarding to inculcate a winning culture.
It takes courage, faith, and perseverance to stand out for what is winsome. Excellence is a decision. It’s price is not money! There is no traffic jam on the road to excellence. Therefore, you can decide today to adopt a winning lifestyle, and spread the aroma of an adorable godly lifestyle. You can be ten times better!
YWAW warmly welcomes new members. We currently have more than 30 international and national individuals. Together we are a powerful tool for positive influence and for promoting a winning culture in every facets of life.
The group is open to individuals or groups who are committed to living and promoting a lifestyle of excellence through a flourishing partnership with God. We are the Daniel generation that believes that through a godly lifestyle we can be ten times better than our contemporaries.
YWAW AT THE OLD PEOPLE’S HOME
Benefits of becoming a member of YWAW:
As a member of the YWAW initiative you can benefit by:
- being part of a team that is committed to achieving, living and promoting excellence in all of life’s ramifications.
- benefit from motivational messages, insightful ideas, and empowerment programs that would help model a character that is fashioned after God, and a winning lifestyle.
- being part of our humanitarian projects within and outside the country, as well as having the privilege to contribute morally, spiritually and financially to the needs of the society and the world at large.
- building and leveraging your career by participating in career development programmes, social and community services, national and world events, and advocacy activities that will promote positive change.
- Benefiting from spiritual edification, capacity building activities, networking and sharing expertise with others on professional and personal levels.
- being part of a team that promotes godly purpose through a lifestyle of intercession, reconciliation, humanitarian service, social justice, and demonstration of love among people of all race and religion without prejudice, thereby building a better society.
Become an Author
YWAW welcomes writers and authors to contribute to the regular publications of informative, insightful articles on the website and the social media. We welcome stories, spiritual edifying articles, true-life experiences, testimonies, current affairs that would empower, inspire and motivate the viewers, as well as promote godliness and a winning culture.How do I become a member, part we or author?
To be part of this great movement, kindly apply for membership by filling the form on this link:
https://yeswearewinning.com/join-us/
You can be ten times better! Yes, we are winning!
GreatMark
by Mark Ibigbami GreatMark | Oct 24, 2017 | Uncategorized |
The news of a 40 year old man diving into the Lagos lagoon in a suicide endeavor was very disheartening for me. I wished he was alive to tell us why he chose to die in that manner. Could this be another case of frustration and hopelessness or is it a demonic manipulation? Search me!
A similar incident was recorded few months back, on March 19th 2017, to be precise. This ugly incident happened on the Lagos third mainland bridge where a medical doctor by name, Dr. Orji dived into the lagoon on a broad day light and died in the process. This incident was said to be a result of frustrations and depression.
On Friday, 20th October, 2017, Mr, Adekunle Oluseyi John, an native of Ondo State was said to have jumped into the lagoon from the new Lekki-Ikoyi bridge, after he pulled his clothes, and left some belongings including his mobile phone and ATM card at the point where he dived into the lagoon.
No official reasons has been alluded to this unfortunate act, however, it is may not be unconnected with psychological effects, such as depression or frustrations. For Dr. Orji, a phone call from an unknown person was said to have preceded his action. He was said to have ordered his driver to stop the car, and he got down and dived into the lagoon.
Every suicide crime is usually premeditated. Dr. Orji left a note with his house address, while Mr Adekunle took some time to remove his clothes and other belongings before he jumped into the lagoon. Thus, these persons must have thought about their action, and may have concluded that the only way was to stop living.
People who’ve survived suicide attempts have reported wanting not so much to die as to stop living, a strange dichotomy but a valid one nevertheless. Some proven reasons for suicidal include the following: depression, guilt, frustrations, psychotic reasons to mention a few.
There are so many cases of suicide attempts which are not in the news. The fact remains that someone dies of suicide every day. According to the Cleen Foundation, between 1994 and 2003, about 2, 305 suicide crimes were recorded in Nigeria.
Body of Dr. Orji after suicide.
What about the Lagos lagoon makes it suitable for suicide? Is there a diabolical attraction from the lagoon for those attempting suicide? I’m still wondering. Does the victim hope to draw much attention to their death by choosing to die in the lagoon? That’s not impossible, I think. Some people who commit suicide don’t usually want to die but do want to alert those around them that something is seriously wrong.
There is no doubt that the Lagos State Government is doing much to ensure sanity in the state. However, the mobile patrol team should be more frequent on the bridges, and also put up measures to cob activities that could endanger people’s lives. Also, the Lagos State Transport Management (LASTMA) should be at alert always to ensure vehicles packed on the bridges are closely monitored and towed quickly if found faulty.
Our religious organisations should devote more time to preaching hope rather than concentrate on “making bread out of stones.” A situation when someone who has a great need is squeezed to provide money in order to solve his problems can be very devastating. It is not impossible that Mr. Adekunle John has been to a church, or even many churches, where he was told to bring some money to get his problem solved. Not enough reasons for suicide though!
Our religious organisations should provide an effective counselling program that would help those who are discouraged to find hope in the midst of the hardship in the land. Furthermore, closer attention should be paid to members of our churches and mosque in order to have a more intimate knowledge of who they are and what they do.
I’m sure the latest victim of suicide in the lagoon has a family, and friends who may have an idea of his predicament. Let us be our brothers keepers; let us watch over one another and provide support morally, emotionally, socially etc, and whenever the need arises
Besides, the fact remains that, the man who commits suicide has chosen a direct entry to hell fire. Even if he prayed for forgiveness before he committed the dastardly act, he cannot find mercy because he has chosen to devalue the precious life God gave him and cast aspersions on God’s ability to save him. It is a very unfortunate way of exiting this world.
Life is full of troubles but no one problem is peculiar to you. We all are afflicted in one way or the other. According to Osward Wilde, “We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.” There is no amount of frustrations or hardship that is justifiable to commit suicide. Many people have been in more terrible situations and through hope, determination, courage and faith in God, they have surmounted their challenges and are today channels of blessing to their families and the world at large.
The truth is, there’s no mountain that you cannot climb; and there’s no river that cannot cross when you trust in God, and God alone. A favorite psalms reads, ” The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want…” (Psalm 23:1). The moment a man cast aspersions on the goodness of God, he is opened to attempt anything evil, even suicide. To such person, life becomes useless and winning life’s battle becomes impossible and irrelevant!
It is devilish to give up on life. It is ungodly to commit suicide! Every life is precious to God, and so He desires an intimate relationship that would help nourish and preserve our lives from the troubles of this life and from the pending calamities. The troubles of this life won’t get any better. As the earth approaches its end, the scriptures says, Men will faint from fear and anxiety over what is coming upon the earth, for the powers of the heavens will be shaken (Luke 21:26).
Since all these things must be, what manner of man you ought to be? You must have your anchor on the unchanging God. People will disappoint you, policies and procedures will fail you. But God cannot fail you no matter what betides. Connect with God, the source of life, and you will surmount the hardship of life.
Life is good. You are winning! Yes, we are winning!
https://yeswearewinning.com/2017/03/21/not-one-see-list-also-depressed/
GreatMark
