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“ONLY CATTLES ARE ELIGIBLE TO VOTE DURING THE NEXT GENERAL ELECTIONS.” -HAPPY VALLEY GOVT.


  1. “All the nations’ cattles are expected to undergo proper accreditation in readiness for voting during the general elections.” These statement was credited to the Senior Special Assistant to the Happy Valley Government on on electoral matters. This was revealed during one of the periodic press briefings in the state house.

He said, giving the growing economic and political importance of our cattles, the Happy Valley Government has announced that come 2023, cattles shall be qualified to participate in the general elections. In view of this, the national population agency shall carry out a total and comprehensive census of all the nations cattles in all the nooks and crannies of the country.

Cattle Herdsmen on the highwayThis census has become very necessary giving the spate of killings of innocent cattles by wicked and unscrupulous farmers and aliens who have gained access into the country through our porous borders. The Government is determined to stem the killing and depletion of its cattles, which is her key national business.

According to a statement credited to the media aid, “ These cattles are the bed rock of our national economic development and we shall not leave any stone unturned in punishing unscrupulous humans who are determined to wipe out our inestimable cattles. “The values of one cattle is far important than hundred humans”, he enthused. Therefore, we shall stop at nothing to prosecute any offender.

The Vice President of the Happy Valley Government, Honorable Utopia Utopia has said this action is necessary to ascertain the number of cattles in the country so as to ensure that the natural resources are equally distributed to all regions where the cattles are located.

He also added that the census would enable the government to provide adequate grazing reserves or colonies for the cattles in order to boost the economy of the nation whose GDP has been largely dependent on cattle rearing. The establishment of  colonies will help to ensure that the herdsmen occupy a choice portion of lands in every part of the country, thereby sustaining the growing population of cattles.

Fulani-Herdsmen with GunsHe further explained that the census will enable the government to make a proper statics of the total number of cattles that would participate in the next general election. This he said will help curb electoral manipulations as only registered cows would be able to vote.

The Happy Valley Government wishes to assure all herdsmen that the government is determined to continue to deal with all humans that attacks the nations animal resources. The authority shall not hesitate to punish any intruders or perpetrator who prevent the cows from peaceful coexistence and safe grazing.

In closing, he assured the shepherds that the protection of the lives of their cattles is very critical to the government, and that they will always provide adequate security for these treasured national possession.  He finally wished the herdsmen a safe coexistence and a happy election year ahead.

“He that has hear let him hear…” We deserve the leaders that we get.

Yes, we are winning!

GreatMark

 

*Broken News is a satirical online publication of a fictitious Happy Valley Agency which seeks to examine societal utopias that could foster positive change.

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