I thought he didn’t want anyone to know about his relationship that was why his status on his Facebook page reads “complicated.” The story of his life’s comebacks is worthy of read! Henry and I were course mates in the university and fortunately we had our one year youth service (NYSC) in the same state. We were quite close until he traveled abroad for his Masters degree.
After 10 years, we met at an international conference, and trust me it was a great reunion. While we sat at lunch, we reminisced the past and I asked a couple of questions that had bordered me. One of such was, if the relationship status on his Facebook page which read, ‘complicated’, was the true reflection of his marital status, or just a facade or white-wash.
He chuckled and said, “Oh, you expected I should have started a family right?” Of course dude, I retorted! Henry bowed his head low in silence, and then he broke down in tears. It seemed my question brought back painful memories. He mustered the strength to speak, and then he said, “my relationship with ladies made my life complicated, so complicated, he muttered regrettably.
He began to narrate his ordeals with relationships; how he had been deceived by unassuming ladies and how he made several mistakes that has caused him his happiness and peace of mind.
He talked about four different online dating relationships that had started well and looked promising but later got fractious when he discovered he had been swindled of several thousands of dollars. Unfortunately, before he realized that those online dating were illusory, he had spent four years with four different ladies, whose trades were to feast on gullible and lustful men.
After so much setbacks, even from those beautiful sisters in his church, many who have a form of religion but are also desperate to make quick fortune through any means possible. So, he had thought he would finally find a homely and God-fearing lover who would help put an end to his quest for women. Of course, he found love in Stella, a beautiful and a devout lover of God, who hails from the Eastern part of Nigeria.
Two years after their marriage, Stella filed for divorce and she left with their first son, Henry Jnr. According to her, she could no longer endure being under the authority of a man, who is not capable to cater for her growing needs. “She wanted to pattern her life after her friends, who were single parents, and who not only enjoy social welfare and government protection, but also benefit from the benevolence of unscrupulous men. This is a sad trend here”, he lamented.
Besides, Henry’s status may have indicated “complicated” in relationship, but this is also true for his entire life. Even though he had a good job and lived in a mortgage house, yet his life was characterized by so many setbacks, from career, to personal, and family life. I wouldn’t like to bore you with much stories but the summary is that Henry was never happy living. He consistently feigned being well.
His story reminds me of the man called Jabez. He was born in pains; and named sorrow-maker. The circumstances of his birth was the reason for his setbacks, until he cried out. Rather than remain in the unfortunate mold, he prayed to the barrier breaker. “Jabez cried to the God of Israel, saying, Oh, that You would bless me and enlarge my border…”(1 Chronicles 4:10).
We all make wrong choices; those things we knew were not the best. Many times we hear voices like, ‘Too bad, you’ve made a mess of it…! Oftentimes, our guilt and thoughts about our failures bedevil us and hinders us from moving on or making new endeavors. But be encouraged, God is full of mercy. He doesn’t turn His back when we make mistakes, rather, He comes running to us and make miracles out of our mistakes.
I had several other discussions with Henry, and we had quality times sharing God’s word and praying together on his issues. I was glad he resolved to forgive his past and all those who had offended him, even his ex-wife. He surrendered his life to God, and he embraced the new life. That was the beginning of his turning point. Three years after, Henry is happily married with lovely twins, and a prospering career.
Whenever he calls me, he would say, “Guy, thank you for helping me find the center of my life!” You too can set your life right. “The purpose of loyalty to Christ, formed in the heart, confessed with the lips, is simply the center from which a man is to correct everything else in his life.” You need to find your center in order to correct your circumference!
All things works together for your good when you love the Lord. If you love Him, He can use your setbacks, what have left you lonely, and disappointed, to move you towards your destiny. God has a plan for our mistakes and setbacks. He will correct the complications, if we trust Him and surrender our struggles and burdens to Him.
You may think you have genuine reasons to settle where you are, or remain in the mold that the situation around you have created. Truth is, you can go further than the experts have told you. You can do yourself and your generation a favor by breaking out of that mold. You can defile the odd; You can start all over again!
There’s a potential in you that would cause new doors to be opened. Don’t accept excuses to settle where you are. YYou need that continued spark for excellence to over come all the blight of being ostracized. Don’t lose your fire! Yes we are winning!